It's not easy being Green...& other Resolution updates

In my post about New Year's resolutions, I mentioned eating more GREEN.
For me- that means focusing on eating mostly fruits and vegetables, minimal dairy and sugar, and appropriate portions.

I started off January trying out a Green detox smoothie from Whole living.

It contains kale, romaine, parsley, ginger plus a little pineapple and mango.

I threw it all in the Ninja and blended away.

It ended up like this. Liquefied salad.

It wasn't too bad. It actually had really good flavor, but the texture was a little too salad-like for me for breakfast.

So I changed it up a little.
I added a banana to smooth it out and also a little protein powder.

Plus any other old fruit I have around - in this case blueberries.
It really smooths out the texture and provides a little extra protein (powder) and carbs (banana and other fruit) to balance out my breakfast.

I've been eating a lot of salads and sauteed veggies for lunches and dinners.

But I've definitely had slip ups.
There have been candy issues.
Cookie issues.

Popcorn issues.
Pastry issues.

Oh and the scones!! Don't even get me started...

I know that I feel the best when I'm eating whole foods consisting of lots of green vegetables and fresh fruit. But for whatever reason I have trouble wrapping my head around that sometimes.

On Twitter, I found Whole9life. It's a program based on the concept of the Paleo diet- if you can't hunt or gather it you aren't eating it.
I read up on all their articles and thought 'that's what I need to do! cut out grains, beans, corn and ALL dairy.'
But what would I eat? I mean, I don't eat meat. And are beans really that bad for you?

I know it's not easy to eat green all the time.
Everyone deserves the occasional treat!
But I think I do pretty good.
So- enough with all the different diets and cutting out more foods.
I'm sticking to mostly fruits and vegetables, no meat except the occasional seafood and avoid those foods that make me not feel good (white carbs and too many sweets).

Training for a race requires a little more energy- especially when I'm doing long runs. Last time, I used supplements- energy chews and sports drinks- to help me refuel. This time around I'm going to go as natural as possible- dates and trail mix on long runs,waters and green smoothies to discover.

I've been keeping to my training schedule and I'm geared up to run my second race of the year on February 4th, The YMCA Red Flannel Run.

I've also been keeping up with my resolutions to read my bible everyday and write everyday.

Its nice to make some hot tea and wind down a little before bed. Writing for 10 minutes helps me gather my thoughts about the days events and clear my head for sleep.

Reading my Bible for 10 minutes a day has impacted me in ways I can't even describe. I feel closer to God. Verses stay with me and I find myself thinking of them when I'm feeling overwhelmed or confused. The Bible really is God-breathed and spending time meditating on it creates so much spiritual growth.

Some of my other resolutions need some work...
I'm still working on a budget as I've had some changes recently (new car!!) that change things up. I'm reassessing those financial goals and finding a reasonable solution.
Since it is tax time I've been working a lot. So I haven't really had control of my schedule. This week is month end and I'm scheduled 28 hours at the tax office. It's just impossible to do anything about that. I've had to skip a couple workouts and seeing family is practically impossible. I barely see  my dog!!

But it's just temporary.
Once tax season winds down, I'll be able to plan more family time and hobby time.
I'm looking forward to working on some knitting projects and hanging out with my family!

All in all, I'm happy with how I'm progressing with my resolutions. I'm making changes to my life that are positive, that make me happy and Even Me!!

“Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.”  —Benjamin Franklin

What's the status of your new year's resolutions? Have you done an assessment lately? Are you still on a track to success?



Forgiveness

I've been thinking a lot lately about being wronged or doing wrong, anger and forgiveness.

Last week I did a 5-day devotional plan through YouVersion about Repentance (you can download the YouVersioon app here).
It said when you have committed a sin, you should first acknowledge your sin, ask God's forgiveness and ask for renewal.

But what about matters between people?
What if YOU feel wronged by another person?
Should they seek your forgiveness in the same manner?
What if they don't believe they are wrong?

In my life, I can think of many situations where I have felt wronged. And I have found the hardest thing is forgiving the other person. Especially when they are not acknowledging any wrong-doing. I have also found, more often than not, forgiveness doesn't first require an apology...it's an act of unconditional love. It's saying 'It doesn't matter who is wrong or right; it doesn't matter what you do; I care about you enough to always forgive you.'

More recently I have found myself in situations where people feel wronged by me. And no matter what I do to reach out, apologize, or understand their point of view, there is no budging from their current state of blatant indifference. Which angers me to the point where I think, 'Fine. I'm done. I don't care anymore,' (a statement that is impossible to execute, because trying not to care about something just moves it more top of mind). Then I try to remember that forgiveness doesn't start with an apology.

On Sunday, Paul said, 'Indifference is the basic seed of hate.' That 'not caring' is almost worse than blatant dislike. It's basically saying to the other person that they are worth nothing, below humanity. That sort of indifference can lead to deep contempt. Being angry about someone failing to apologize or forgive only creates resentment. It's not about the accuser or the accused, forgiveness is an act of unconditional love.

Today is Martin Luther King Day.


source

A day where we remember one of the greatest humanitarians this country has ever seen. A day where we remember that love is so much bigger than hate. That kindness can overcome anger. That caring can outlast resentment.

Today let's remember:

'Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.'
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Morning Walk

On Sunday morning, Roxy and I got up in the dark, bundled up and headed out for a quiet stroll.

It was crisp and beautiful. We chose a route through the cemetery not far from my house.

I think it's such a peaceful and picturesque place.

It's filled with rolling hills and lush landscapes

Watching the sunrise over the hills was stunning.

There's also a section that is dedicated to the Masons. It's filled with old and elaborate stones.

Roxy liked heading out for exercise. Normally we don't walk much farther than a mile or two together.

She was a trooper- we did almost 5 miles and I stopped for coffee.

Hard to believe it's almost mid January and there were still dry leaves blowing around like fall.

It was a beautiful start to a great day. I think this will definitely become part of our routine.

For what human ill does not dawn seem to be an alleviation?  ~Thornton Wilder

Words to Live By

I was cleaning out my inbox this morning and I found some various quotes and poems I've been meaning to post.
You see, I have this bad habit of emailing myself stuff only for it to be pushed to the bottom of the pile....
Well, 'No More!' I say!!
Enjoy these little tidbits. :)

‘One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.’
-Virginia Woolf

I had this quote labeled as 'This is my mantra.' That should explain everything. 

‘We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.’
-Charles Kingsley

The older I get, the more I find this to be true. It's all those little things that make life great. I try to see the world with more child-like enthusiasm- it makes for a much more contented me. 

“My ideas usually come not at my desk writing but in the midst of living.”

-Anais Nin

Often I think- 'Oh I should write about that!' If it were my choice, I would be able to drop whatever I'm doing whenever I needed to empty my head of thoughts.

“Chance can allow you to accomplish a goal every once in a while, but consistent achievement happens only if you love what you are doing.”
- Bart Conner

This quote reminds me to stay focused on my goals and also to only create create goals whose outcome is important to me. 

Great music is that which penetrates the ear with facility and leaves the memory with difficulty. Magical music never leaves the memory.
-Thomas Beecham

I LOVE music. I love the way I can be transported to a time, a place, a feeling. Music is so powerful.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

 ~ Rumi ~  (The Essential Rumi, versions by Coleman Barks) 

I think this poem is a great reminder to own all your feelings, even if they're negative. Allow yourself to feel however you need to feel and then move on. Lesson learned.

Do you have any favorite quotes? What about them makes them your favorite?

Wednesday 9 9-14-11

Well I was a big blob of blah on Sunday so I'm making up for it with a couple extra this week:

1. Eating Plants. Well I'm on week #2 of being vegan. I've had 2 cheese encounters so far...one on purpose (who can avoid an Oreo ball?) and one unplanned (I didn't realize my falafel sandwich would have cheese on it) but other than that, I've been solid. I have noticed that I started eating more bread-y items lately in an effort to feel full...so I'm nipping that in the bud. The idea was to go plant-based and it takes more planning than I thought- but I still feel really good.

2. Small Group. Each fall my church has a 'semester' of small groups. Everyone signs up with a group of people that you get together with each week to talk through the sermons, life and do service projects together. It's a great way to get to know people and to grow as a Christian. Last week, I started meeting on Wednesday nights with a group of people and I am loving it!! The group is really...inspirational and real and honest. We met tonight for the second time and the conversation was so fitting....

3. In relation to #2, remember this day that I was having? Today I read these verses and they fit perfectly into my mind set:

'Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.' - Colossians 3:23-24

It just sort of made me think about my job and why I work and what is the ultimate purpose. My job provides me a life that a lot of people don't even have an option to have. I might not be saving the world every day but I am still helping people. I guess what I'm saying is...It's still important and I am thankful for it.

4. And...recently a new opportunity has presented itself to me and I'm pretty excited about that...but trying not to get too excited.

5. Fall. It is officially fall. I had to wear a jacket today. I got to smell coffee brewing, the smell mixing with the smell of fresh morning and decaying leaves. It's the best.

6. Mondays. I can't believe the most hated day of all made my list. But sometimes you have a weekend where you just end up ready for a new start to the week. This week I was thankful that Monday-morning-back-to-work feeling.

7. Creative Duality. I wrote two random poems recently.

#1

I could live in that warm soft place with you
Where the darkness meets the light
And sleep meets the waking

My body curled up to the back of yours
A perfect S

Our breath hot and quiet in unison
The occasional sign as we sink closer together

I could live in that warm soft place with you
Where night meets day
And dreams meet reality

Our legs and feet tangled together
My arm wound tight around you bringing us close

The quiet morning hours

I could live in that warm soft place with you

#2

I'm here
Tethered tight to your heart
Watching you fly and flit so close

Never completely linked

I could waste away in this daydream with you

I hold tight

I see you suffocate
Reach beyond

Fly away my love

Your twin forever separated

Sort of different....right?? HA. Apparently I was in quite different moods the days I wrote these. But isn't all writing about love gained or dwindling? :)

8. I finally finished the last Harry Potter book. I'm so stoked that I made it all the way through them in about 6 weeks. I'm SO EXCITED about seeing the last movie too. Should be a great flick!!

9. My friend sent me this quote the other day and I think it's profound and important advice:

I've learned it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong.  -Leo Rosten

It reminds in some ways to not be selfish...it's easy to say 'that's not my problem' when dealing with others woes but only true caring and gentle people are those that reach out and provide strength and love to others.

So that was a random mix of stuff this week....what have you been up to?

Because this is Real Life

I’ve written nothing but fluff for most of the time I’ve had this blog.

There have been maybe one or two real posts about how I feel about me and about my personal life. There is a lot that I don’t share. For those closest to me, it doesn’t matter because they already know. For everyone else, maybe they’re wondering if I’m ever going to write anything raw or heartfelt or anything besides ‘hey look what I did!’ or ‘hey this is all the stuff I dig!’

Well...here you go people.

A few weeks ago I was going through this thing…and even though I know it’s silly and unprecedented I just couldn't stop it from spiraling out of control.

Let me explain….

Many moons ago, in my high school years, I was the epitome of an after school special:

Adolescent Girl gets made fun of because she's different,  turns into low self-esteem, turns into borderline eating disorder in attempt to boost said esteem, starts eating again but turns to boys/booze/whatever she can get her hands on all in an effort to build esteem…and we all know how the story ends.

Either the Girl realizes that nothing can make her feel good about her but HER and moves on with her life to become the person she always knew she could be.

Or she dwells in the sad pity party that is her life and basically amounts to exactly what everyone expects her to be- nothing.

I chose Door #1. 

I moved on and up with my life. I found the healthy things that made me feel good about me. I quit putting all my stock in what others think or how I look or what I have or what men think about me. I found friends and people who are positive influences in my life and build me up rather than bring me down.

But there are occasions where Pity Party Patty likes to show up. And she is sort of nuts.

I’m actually embarrassed to say write this because it’s so DUMB.

A few weeks back, she showed up in town.  

Once again, I was comparing myself to others, looking at what I think I should or should not be, caring what others think (real or imagined) and all around reverting to my 14 year old emotionally distressed self.

Grrrr….WTH????

I was a train wreck of emotions- over analyzing every little thing, thinking the absolute worst about every situation and living in that place of complete self-loathing. I felt like nothing I did was right or good enough for anyone. I felt like all of a sudden I was completely unsure of myself.

Honestly, I wasn't sure what caused it. I think it was a combo of feeling very down about my foot, feeling a little like T and I hadn't been spending as much time together and feeling threatened by other women in my life. Not because they did anything outright that I SHOULD feel threatened about but basically just because they were in a place of self-love and confidence and I was not. Does that make sense?

I tried to explain this all to T and all we ended up doing is arguing. And I sound like THAT girl.

I’m really not THAT girl.

The situation just had me all beside myself.

Why do we, as women, constantly compare ourselves to other women and their successes or talents? Why do we feel the need to constantly over-analyze every situation until we’re one step away from a straight jacket? Why are we our own worst enemy sometimes?

I know I am not the only woman out there who gets crazy thoughts like this.

I actually DESPISED myself when I was arguing with T about this. I hated that I was being so shallow that I felt insecure about the person that I am. I hated that I worried that T will see how maybe I'm not perfect and then think differently about me (really Nicole?????). I hated how  my feelings of insecurity caused me and T to argue for whole DAYS. More than anything I hated how the whole thing made me feel like that sad girl I used to be.

There is nothing more unattractive than low self-esteem yet I couldn't stop myself.

This is basically what it boiled down to:

I didn't believe in myself enough to realize that I maybe I can't be the best at everything but that's okay.

I didn’t believe in the worthiness of my own happiness enough to just revel in the pure joy that is T and I’s relationship without analyzing it to death.

I’ve come a loooooooong way from that adolescent girl with all the issues, but I’m not 100% there yet.

I know that 98% of what I was thinking was pure insanity, figments of my imagination and I should have just let it go.

I know that learning to love myself and to ‘do me’ is not going to happen overnight.

There is work to be done.

I'm not sure what turned my thinking around. I spent some time talking out my feelings with friends. I spent time reflecting on what caused me to feel the way I was feeling and whether those feelings were valid or whether they were just a product of a few down days. I talked to T.

I got my head on straight.

You know,
I rewrote this post 3 or 4 times before deciding to actually post it. I feel a little bit like it's showing what's 'behind the curtain,' per se.

But writing a blog about finding balance and growing as a person has to include the bad stuff too.

Not everyday is going to be sunshine and rainbows.

There are going to be days (even weeks) where nothing seems to go right and you just can't shake feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Where it seems like no area of your life is really going the way you want it to.

Those are the times when you have to remind yourself of the beautiful and unique person that you are. Remind yourself of the wonderful and supportive people you have in your life. Change your way of thinking.

Focus on the positive.

Let go of the negative.

Find a balance.

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” — Leo Tolstoy

 Have you ever gotten into the kind of 'downer' I'm talking about? What helped you get out of it?

Sunday Seven 8-28-11

Happy Sunday!! Hope everyone has had a good week.
Mine has been less than stellar...but I'm looking to a fresh start tomorrow.
Monday's are always good for that.

1. I read this article about Alice Waters on NPR the other day. I think it's really amazing what she's doing with her restaurant. I'd like to visit it someday.

2. Bill Clinton is a vegan now. More interesting than that...he weighed 185 when he was 13...

3. This is an actual IM from my boyfriend:

48 cans of low cal wildberry FRS are on the way to 111!  Maybe I'll share.  I may order two more cases.  I want to see if I like the flavor first.

He has a problem with FRS. Or as I call it Funky Rad Specialness, Freaky Raging Steroids, Fruity Reggae Sauce or Fantastic Retro Superness. He informed me it actual stands for Free Radical Supplements. Whatever. :)

4. I had Friday afternoon off work. It was supposed to be a lovely beach afternoon but the weather didn't cooperate. Instead I had coffee, food, shopping and cocktails. It was awesome.

5. The countdown is on. I see the doctor this coming Friday. I hope that means I'll be boot free. Because I'm really having a hard time feeling cute schlepping around in a giant black boot.

6. I got an Iphone. I'm in love. Not kidding. I can't imagine my life without it now. And all the snazzy apps available...I especially love Evernote. And Instagram. Ah...technology how you continue to amaze me.

7. "Success is not the key to happiness. Happi­ness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."— Albert Schweitzer 
This has been on my mind a lot this week. I've been thinking a lot about what I envision my life to be and whether I am on track to make that happen or not. Just a little self-evaluation.

What's on your mind recently? What''s your favorite Iphone app?