I was a big fat fail at the food fast.
As I write this post, I’m sipping on a chocolate chai and
munching on my favorite coffee shop cookies. I ate the better part of a
homemade carrot cake loaf this past week and demolished an entire box of Girl
Scout cookies in one sitting on last Tuesday night.
Obviously, I have a sugar issue.
I did just fine eating what was in my cupboards for regular
meals and keeping my grocery shopping to a minimum (spent less than $30 on
groceries in two weeks). However, I found myself justifying soy chai tea lattes
and hot cocoas late at night, claiming they are not desserts. I'd randomly end up munching on sugary mints at work and popping a few jellybeans in my mouth out
of boredom or availability and not giving it a second thought.
I completely failed to give up that indulgence and direct
that craving to spiritual matters.
My friend Kelsey
is also participating in the 7 experiment with our women’s church group and
said this about giving up food indulgences:
This week so far has
been a reminder to be thankful, meet the challenge head on, and allow that
uncomfortable space to be there. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable, and I need to
figure out why I feel that way and why I need those things to satisfy me.
I didn’t allow for the uncomfortable space.
In fact, the minute I felt the slightest uncomfortable- I
stuffed that space with something- sweet or not.
I think this is very telling.
I’m not done with
food fasts.
In fact, I think this is something I should start practicing
regularly- as a way to deal not only with my reliance on sweets as comfort, but
also to allow that space to focus on what is causing me to reach for
those cookies instead of facing the real issues head on.
Although I failed to keep my fast promise, I think I learned
a really valuable lesson here about where I’m weak and need to rely on Jesus
and not the closest sugary treat to comfort me in times of stress.
This next 2 week section is on Clothes.
In the
7 experiment, Jen counts all the
things in her closet and arrives at a number: 327.
She says to estimate the amount of items we own and then
count.
I figured I have about 350 items.
Then I set out to count.
And count.
And keep counting.
429 items. 41 pairs of shoes. 16 jackets.
Not including socks, underthings, a load of workout clothes
in the dryer and a tub of summer clothes and sandals I forgot were in the bottom of the closet.
Which means the final count is probably around 500.
That is enough items for me to wear something different
every single day of the year.
I’m a little disgusted with me.
And to think I got rid of 3 tubs of clothes at the beginning
of the year, haven’t bought a single thing and I STILL have 500 items?
Yikes.
Apparently, I have a little bit of a problem here.
Let’s explain how I got into this conundrum:
I love fashion
As long as I can remember- I have loved clothes. I've tried
the latest fashions, invented my own fashion (my family will do well to
remember my skater punk/hippy/goth phase in mid high school) and even dreamed
of being a model one day. When I was 10 or so, I had this backlit lapdesk that
I used to trace models onto and invent runway masterpieces. I had a purse collection at age 10 that could rival any adult.
And I’m not the only one in my family. Most Saturdays as
child were spent shopping with my mom. We’d go to Target or the mall and wander
around. I spent all my birthday money and Christmas money every year on clothes
along with my siblings. For us- shopping and fashion were fun ways to spend time together.
Looking pretty
outside makes me feel pretty on the inside
I’m a firm believer in ‘if you look good, you feel good.’ I
did a fitness challenge a couple years ago and when that was over I pretty much
replaced my entire wardrobe. I went down a few pant sizes so I used that
opportunity to buy things that made me feel
good. And when I wear clothes that fit me well, I feel confident. And when
I’m feeling confident, that positive vibe bleeds over into other aspects of my life. I
perform better at work and I’m happier. Also, you know what happens when you
wear fashionable and flattering clothing? People compliment you. That’s also an
ego booster.
Shopping makes me
happy
There were many a times that I decided to ‘treat’ myself
after a bad week or bad breakup or just because it was Saturday and The Gap was
having a 30% off sale. Something about buying something new makes me feel
special. And what girl doesn’t love a new pair of kicks or a top for the weekend?
I’ve used each of these reasons to justify purchases. To
tell myself it’s okay to charge a couple hundred dollars on new clothes because
I ‘need’ them. Or that a new shirt here or there really 'isn't that much.' Or that I've 'worked hard for nice things' and that I 'deserve it.'
Jen Hatmaker said something in the 7 experiment that sent me
reeling:
Do you think of your income as a
potential source to battle injustice or more like your personal blessing (and
reward for working hard)?
I can't get that question out of my head. I realized all my reasons for owning 500+
clothing items didn't even matter. They are just excuses that allow me to
self-indulge and look for affirmation in material things. And that money I felt
justified in spending?
Let’s put a number on that.
Perhaps I spent, on average, $20 per item. That’s $10,000.
Even more realistic, let’s say I spent $35 per item. That’s $17,500. That's enough money to buy a new car.
Granted, I’m required by law to cover my body when I go to
work and Midwestern winters require some extra layers. However, do I really
need 4 camel colored skirts? 3 pairs of black dress pants? 15 pairs of jeans?
Probably not.
Jen also says:
We enjoy rank and
privilege globally; we are the apexes on the pyramid scheme. Acknowledged or
not, this position creates an entitlement so entrenched, it is nearly
impossible to even imagine we bear responsibility to the poor.
Ouch.The truth
hurts.
How could that money I spent on clothes to ‘make myself feel
good’ have been better used to ‘battle injustice’ in the world?
What am I trying to convey with my clothing? Am I seeking human
affirmation for a spiritual matter?
And more so, how does what I’m wearing reflect my heart?
These are some questions I’m still working through over the
next week. In the meantime, I picked the following fasts:
- 1 pair of pants, 1 skirt, 1 pair of jeans and 1 pair of leggings for the 2 weeks. I have 2 professional jobs and some social events happening so limited to what was acceptable for those things.
- No makeup except mascara and a little blush/bronzer combo.
Oddly enough, I made a goal this year to not buy any clothes
and so far, it’s been pretty easy. I wake up and delete 15 emails from
retailers offering me 15-30% off if ‘BUY NOW!’ and go on with my day. I haven’t
felt an overwhelming urge to shop and honestly- feel more at peace not trying
to always have the latest and greatest.
(Side-note: I accidentally bought one t-shirt from my new
favorite yoga studio. I know, I know, how do you accidentally buy something?
But I did. Said yes, dropped off my money and then a week later realized that
although it wasn’t from an actual store- I still bought a clothing item. Sigh.)
We are one week into this and so far I don't mind having limited outfits. It’s been a lot easier than I thought. And just like
Jen said…no one has noticed that I’ve worn the same skirt or pants for the past
week.
AND- I've already purged a Rubbermaid full of clothes and accessories I don't wear.
I'm gearing up for purging during Possessions week!
Would you consider yourself a 'clothes junkie'? If you took the leap and counted your items, are you surprised about the number of items you own?
I feel you on the sugar AND the shopping. I gave up sugar but caved 27 days in. I knew I stopped being Catholic for a reason. I gave up shopping for a month in January and it really helped. I still love clothes but I'm learning the difference between do I need it or want it. Best of luck with this 7 journey!
ReplyDelete27 days is still super impressive. I can't say 'never' to sugar. It's just not me. But I am not purchasing sweets and keeping my reasons for 'celebrating' to a minimum. :) Giving up shopping has been sort of a financial necessity so that helps too- weddings aren't cheap. HA! And thanks- 7 is really rocking my world. I highly recommend it.
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