I feel like I sort of left you hanging after my last post.
Sorry ‘bout that.
I just have a lot going on in my head. I have so many thoughts, in fact, that I’m overwhelmed at where to start.
So instead of procrastinating any longer I’m just going to get them out there and try to organize from there. Sound good?
First of all, I had an AH-MAZING time in Colorado. It was just what I needed. What my soul needed. What T and I needed. We spent so much quality time together without work, without deadlines and just doing what we wanted to do when we wanted to do it. We laughed and talked about nothing and everything and just ‘were.’ It really couldn’t have come at a better time.
For 5 full days I was really content. I was eager to get up in the morning and get outside and get exercise and fresh air and then spend my days exploring and enjoying the sunshine. Every night we didn't come back to the hotel until it was bedtime. Then I would lie down and drift off to sleep easily.
I slept fantastically the entire trip.
Which made coming back so. Much. harder.
The day after we returned, I was at work a total of 20 minutes before I felt that happy light feeling I had dissipate. I felt the heaviness of corporate world demands seep over me like a dark cloud: deadlines and boring emails and demanding people and did I mention boring emails?
What is it about the day after vacation that just feels like it’s sucking your soul dry?
I've worked full time in a corporate setting for almost 12 years. I’m at a spot now where I have a pretty flexible schedule, however, the demands of my job can change quickly. There are very few mundane tasks at my job- most everything requires critical thinking and systematic focus. Most days are filled with meetings and conference calls amid the regular work. It’s a typical corporate job.
Don’t get me wrong- I’m super grateful for all the blessings I've received through having a great paying job and for all the opportunities it’s afforded me. I have always enjoyed the fast pace and variety of tasks that a changing environment can bring. I have great co-workers and have made some lifelong friends through my job.
But 10 years from now?
I think I want to be doing something different.
Something sort of big-time-dream-not-even-sure-if-I-can-pull-this-off type of different
Last year, at the Influence Conference, Anne Bogel mentioned the 30’s as a time do the ‘editing’ part of your life. The weeding out of parts that just don’t work anymore. The rearranging and polishing of the parts that do. A time for planting positive additions.
I’ve made so many positive changes in the past few years physically, emotionally, spiritually, but career is an area of my life that could use a little more editing that I have given it in the past.
The point is this: I have always wanted to be a writer and own a coffee shop.
I have journals from age 9 talking about how I want be a writer someday. I have a Rubbermaid full of journals and old essays and short stories. I was that kid in 2nd grade who wrote stories so long on that special lined paper they had to be hung at ceiling level to display properly.
I call myself a writer now- but I’ve never had anything published. I’ve never even tried. I don’t write every day and I don’t read every day. I call this my craft and something I love, but I don’t always give it the attention it deserves. Often, it gets put on the back burner for some other mundane or not needed task or distraction (thanks Internet & Netflix). I’m not sure if that is out of procrastination, fear or both.
I do know this- if you want to get good at something – you have to practice.
You have to try and try and try again.
You have to mess up and start over.
You have to ask for feedback and put yourself out there and accept rejection.
You have to give it a real shot.
You have to say your dreams out loud.
And when you do, they become real.
And it’s going to be scary.
And there is a real possibility that you can fail.
But, you don’t ever want to look back on your life and say ‘What if?’.
To me, a perfect day looks like an early morning run followed up by serving coffee and locally-sourced breakfast to my family and neighbors with love and smiles and conversation as they go about starting their day. Late mornings filled with baking and planning and connecting and community. Afternooons spent writing, reading, gardening, volunteering and cooking. Evenings relaxing at home or watching live music and enjoying local craft brews.
Ahhh. Sounds sort of perfect, right?
I don’t know if that is feasible, but I do have a vision for what I want my life to look like.
And in my head, that vision looks like love and community and words and coffee.
I’m not sure how I’m going to do it, or if it will end up being my exact vision but today?
Today, I’m taking a step.
I’m saying my dreams out loud.
When I started this blog 2 years ago, I wanted to share my thoughts about life and love and the journey we are all on to find that sweet spot of balance in all areas of our being. It’s funny how this little spot on the internet has grown me in ways I didn’t expect. I never thought 2 years ago that I would quit calling my dreams ‘pipe dreams’ or ‘perfect scenarios’ and just start doing. That through reading about other people’s success at attempting their dreams I’d get the courage to bring my dreams to life too.
Since I love a good list and need some kind of plan to make this thing become a reality, I’ve given myself a couple goals to complete this year:
- Get a barista job (part-time). If I’m going to serve coffee, I better learn all about it right? Also, the extra money can’t hurt.
- Edit my NaNoWriMo novel and submit it for publishing. Remember last year when I wrote a book? Yeah I’m not sure how I did that in a month either.
- Write EVERY DAY. Journal, blog, 15 minute write practice- whatever I have time for. Just do it.
- Find and read 3 books on starting a small business and writing a business plan. This is the boring part of being an entrepreneur- paperwork! But it needs to be done and without being realistic I’m not giving my dream a fair shot.
- Talk about it. When someone asks what I do, tell them, but also tell them about what I am going to be doing. Something isn’t real and feasible unless you are talking about it and sharing it with others.
I’ve been working on these thoughts for a few days and was sort of wary about sharing them here on the blog. It’s one thing to tell your spouse, your friends, your co-workers about your dream. But to share it with the world?
I know the minute I share here I’m going to get feedback. Loads of encouragement and love and ‘you can do this!’ type stuff. Which is awesome and amazing and I love those people.
I’ll also probably get one or two people take me aside and tell me to ‘be realistic’ and ‘think about my future' and all kinds of other dream-crushing type things.
And to those people I say….
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.