Thankful Thursday: Rest vs. Waste

I've been thinking a lot about time lately.
How about how grateful I am for the time that I have.
On this earth.
In this body.
In this life.

I have so many things to be grateful for: amazing fiance, good health, successful job, great family, supportive friends, fabulous church community...the list could go on.

But how often do I really just enjoy each of these things?
How often do I really let myself be in the moment?
How often do I really savor these gifts without thinking about what else I need to cross off my to-do list?

I spent a lot of my life before the recent years just sort of bumbling along. Yeah I had a job and went to school and did family things, but I didn't really feel a purpose or direction in life. I spent a lot of time doing what I thought I should be doing.
Then a shift happened where I realized just how precious time is. And just how much I want to experience and do and create and be and accomplish in this life.
As cliche as it may sound, there really is a whole wide world out there just waiting for you.

Often my zeal for life can turn into a frenzy of running from one activity to the next.
Lately, I've been thinking if that is really what is intended by living life to the fullest.
Is it meant to be a flurry of activity with the days just being ticked off quickly and without a second thought?

I've noticed that unless each day of my calendar is filled to the brim with activities and tasks and most often too many things humanly possible to accomplish...I feel like maybe I'm wasting time.
That if I'm not doing all the things right now I might lose out on an opportunity or fail to 'someday' do all those things I always said I was going to do.
Call it the perfectionist in me, but I really have a hard time taking a break. I'm an 'all or nothing' kind of gal in pretty much all areas of life.
I say, quite often, that I never want to look back on my life and say that I wasted any time.
I want to know that in each and every moment- I truly lived.

What I'm realizing (albeit slowly) is that truly living doesn't look like:

-a fully-crossed out to-do list

-home cooked meals every night

-a 24/7 laundry folded and put away, dishes done, dog hair swept house

-each of my relationships in perfect harmony (meaning I do ALL the dinners, coffee meet ups, phone calls, etc when some days I just need a break from people and that people understand that)

-being involved in every community event/group/organization (there are hundreds even in my little city)

- every second filled with some kind of activity

Truly living actually looks like:

-Enjoying a beautiful sunset

-A couple hours on a Saturday afternoon to get pretty for a date with my favorite guy

 - Spending an afternoon with the kids in my family to celebrate a baby birthday

- An afternoon in one of my favorite coffee shops for an amazing grilled cheese and novel writing

- A good cup of coffee after a quiet sunrise run

- Ice in my cup at work after our machine was broken most of the week

- Baking a favorite childhood treat to warm my house and my belly

- A favorite song on my Itunes

What I'm realizing is truly living looks occasionally like

And you know what else?

Last night, rest looked like saying 'no' to a previously planned girls dinner to spend a much needed night-in with my boy: his cooked pasta dinner, red velvet cake and the most recent Walking Dead

The first day of the The Influence Conference I listened to John Saddington speak about entrepreneurship. That night, amid my brain overload decompressing session, I made this list:

I think I need to refer to it more often.

Also, this week, I read Jessi's post (must read!) and number 2 hit me like a slap across the face:

Do I constantly put my 'to-dos' in front of relationships?
Do I make people feel like my schedule is so overloaded I don't have time to rest in their company?
Do I make time with them feel like a waste?

I really, really hope I don't.

I want to say right now- if you are a friend, family member, co-worker, acquaintance, even a complete stranger that had an interaction with me and at some point I've made you feel less than important-

I am truly sorry.

I am going to be better.
I am going to be more thankful for each moment- big or small.
I am going to be grateful for each interaction- profound or not.
I am going to be more leery about adding anything to my schedule - its quite full already.
I am going to REST more.

This Thursday, I'm thankful for:

Recognizing when I need a break.

Second chances to get it right.


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