5.30.2012

Even Me: One Year Later

13 days ago I turned 29.

One year since I started writing Even Me.
How fast time goes!

I started this blog because I love to write. And because I love to talk. And having a blog is sort of like doing both. It's a way for me to tell the story of 'me' to anyone and everyone who wants to listen.

Lately, I haven't been sharing much of anything.
I've been busy with moving and getting settled into my new place...but I've also been incredibly lazy.

I've had time to write and spend time sharing my life here on Even Me and I've completely avoided it.

At some point, I got behind on all the things I wanted to write about. My 'Items to Blog' list continues to grow and it got to a point where I just felt overwhelmed by the amount of things to say. I'd look at the list and think 'if it happened a month ago, is it still relevant to share now?', 'other bloggers never wait this long to post about things that happened a week or two ago', 'if I'm not consistent in writing, no one is going to read. No one probably reads anymore anyway.' The dreaded negative self-talk.

Then I thought about why I started this blog in the first place.
And that's to tell MY story MY way.
If I want to blog about T's birthday celebration NOW, even though it occurred over a month ago, I can.
There is no room for criticism here.

Point 1:
In my Discipleship and the Desert class, we talked about the 'musts and oughts' in our society. Someone brought up how there is so much unmentioned pressure in our generation to be a certain person: thrifty yet trendy, crafty and an amazing cook (thanks Pinterest) and to have some kind of amazing blog that documents all these wonderfully contradictory things in a perfect manner. How sometimes the sheer amount of stuff online and in social media can be overwhelming.

Point 2:
Then in my daily devotion, (Soul Detox through You Version- Thanks Mama Pea for the instagram pictures that inspired it), there was a discussion about toxic thoughts. How once those negative inner critics get inside your head, it's only a matter of time before they can take root. And you CANNOT let them infiltrate your heart. Toxic thoughts must be rejected.

I realized exactly why I had been avoiding writing.
I let these ideas blur the focus I had for Even Me.
I had gotten overwhelmed by all the things I thought I 'ought' to be doing with my writing. I had allowed toxic thoughts to infiltrate my mind.

This blog has never ever been about all the amazing stuff I've created from a Pinterest idea or the delicious gourmet recipes I've cooked or all the ways I'm just like any other 20-something.
I'm not saying those things aren't documented here or that those blogs are somehow inferior. Not at all. I love reading and learning about that stuff and also sharing it when I think it's appropriate.

But Even Me has always had a different focus.
It's about finding balance and purpose.
It's about the good and the bad. The mundane and the serious.
It's about all the things, big and small, happening in my world that are moving, clicking and sliding together to create the path that is my life.
There are still so many questions about faith, life, love and self-worth that I'm still exploring. Thoughts I want to share and explore right here.
I had forgotten there is no judgment in writing when it's all mine.

And that if you really love something, you make time for it. No matter what.

T said to me the other day, 'Nic, you like to write. Make time for it. So set aside an hour or two a week and write a post. I like to golf. So every week I set aside time to hit the range and go to league. It's the same thing.'
He's right. I had also allowed all the things of life to monopolize my time.

So over the next few weeks expect some posts that are a little overdue.
And maybe some posts that are of a more serious nature.
Not to mention all the concerts, books, races and recipes that fill up all the space in between.
 
Even Me will always be a place of self-discovery and sometimes that requires a little reevaluation now and again.

So....here's to 1 year of Even Me.

Happy Anniversary. :)