Blah.
(See previous post about the #winterblues)
But here goes!
1. Write for five minutes (unedited) on the word 'o' the day.
2. Link back up at Lisa Jo Baker's blog and share the love.
Today's word...
Afraid
There is a set of stairs in one of our favorite bars that terrify me.
They are 'open' stairs with no backs. Thin and metal. You can see right down to the floor.
Every time we walk up them I have to lean on the wall and grip the handrail, eyes locked straight ahead. Because if I look down, I'll get dizzy and freaked out.
About stairs.
It's the most absurd thing to be afraid of.
I have nightmares about these kinds of stairs detaching from walls, or me falling through them.
This all coming from a girl who seemingly has no fear.
I have multiple tattoos. I've had piercings. I ran a marathon. I've flown multiply times. I've moved myself more than once. I've traveled alone. I run in the dark all over my city solo.
For all the things I should be afraid of, I'm most afraid of stairs.
But, despite all these seemingly fearless things, the thing I'm most afraid of?
That somehow I'll become someone that isn't me.
That growing up and growing with God will somehow take away some of my 'Nicoleness'...some of the rebel and fight in me that makes me, 'me.'
That giving it up to God means I won't always be me anymore.
Well...how's that for honesty? Yikes.
I think I better think a bit on this one..
Can't wait to read all your comments.
Give today's #FMF a try and link up over at Lisa Jo's Blog.
TGIF friends.
What a beautiful post and an amazing introduction to your blog!
ReplyDeleteThanks Molly! I'm really glad you stopped by and found me on Twitter- Hope to keep connecting via social media. :)
DeleteAll I can say right now is, way to go with the honesty, girl. When we strip down to that honest level, I think God must be like, "Ok. Now we're getting somewhere. I can work with this." And while it's a scary feeling, letting go of that 'me' - what we feel is essentially us - I think you may be surprised by the 'you' that is revealed with time, and how much you know you've been that 'you' all along, but couldn't wrap yourself around it until now. I wonder if all of life is that kind of experience, that continual peeling back of one layer after another of who we really are in God.
ReplyDelete'you may be surprised by the 'you' that is revealed with time, and how much you know you've been that 'you' all along, but couldn't wrap yourself around it until now'...I like this. I'm getting glimpses of me- the me that's always been there, it just needed some extra polishing. Thanks for stopping by and for your encouraging words.
DeleteI can relate Nicole. When I became a Christian seven years ago, I was so afraid of what God would do to me. My fear was nothing more than a trick of the enemy to keep me separated from the Lord. He's crafty. What ended up happening is I experienced behavioral changes, not personality changes. I'm still me just a whole lot better! If you could have known me from BC, you'd be amazed at how awesome the Lord is! It would make you love him all the more. Ask my boys or my mom or my sister and brother. Let God mold you. I know it was the best decision I ever made. Ever! Happy FMF!
ReplyDeleteThanks Michelle.
DeleteI am letting God mold me.
It's not always easy and sometimes a little painful, but all the behavioral changes I've experienced? All for good.
Happy FMF to you too! (Although it is now Sunday...HA)
Nicole this is great! And I have an irrational fear of grates in streets. So I feel ya on the stairs. But the last line so powerful. I too can tend to fear what if I let go and God does things to me that I don't expect or want? But we have to remember He shapes us for the good not the bad.
ReplyDeleteAH! The grates!! I know that one too. We are so silly. :)
DeleteThe letting go and letting God (as cliche as that is) is REALLY hard. I'm relinquishing my grip on the reins a little more everyday...and so far- this wagon is still upright. :)
Thanks for commenting Kim!