Five Minute Friday: Afraid

I'm a little later than usual with this post...had a little bit of a hard time getting up this AM.
(See previous post about the #winterblues)

But here goes!

1. Write for five minutes (unedited) on the word 'o' the day.
2. Link back up at Lisa Jo Baker's blog and share the love.

Today's word...


There is a set of stairs in one of our favorite bars that terrify me.
They are 'open' stairs with no backs. Thin and metal. You can see right down to the floor.
Every time we walk up them I have to lean on the wall and grip the handrail, eyes locked straight ahead. Because if I look down, I'll get dizzy and freaked out.
About stairs.

It's the most absurd thing to be afraid of.
I have nightmares about these kinds of stairs detaching from walls, or me falling through them.

This all coming from a girl who seemingly has no fear.
I have multiple tattoos. I've had piercings. I ran a marathon. I've flown multiply times. I've moved myself more than once. I've traveled alone. I run in the dark all over my city solo.
For all the things I should be afraid of, I'm most afraid of stairs.

But, despite all these seemingly fearless things, the thing I'm most afraid of?

That somehow I'll become someone that isn't me.
That growing up and growing with God will somehow take away some of my 'Nicoleness'...some of the rebel and fight in me that makes me, 'me.'

That giving it up to God means I won't always be me anymore.

Well...how's that for honesty? Yikes.
I think I better think a bit on this one..
Can't wait to read all your comments.

Give today's #FMF a try and link up over at Lisa Jo's Blog.

TGIF friends.