I love mornings. (1/31)

I love mornings.

Snuggling in the sheets, talking and laughing. Hot coffee and a crisp fall breeze. Watching the sun sneak its way over the horizon, exploding into skies of orange and pink. Heading out for a run while the rest of the world sleeps. Enjoying the silence and stillness as the world slowly comes to life.

My new morning view

As a kid, I remember French toast breakfasts at my grandparents. Watching Sesame street and drinking apple juice with my cousins. As I got older, I remember coffee and newspaper reading on Sundays with my dad. Watching the sun rise as I rode the city bus to high school.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to appreciate mornings even more. I get up REALLY early. Usually around 5-6 AM. I like to have a hot drink while I let Roxy do her business. Then it’s exercise of some sort followed up by breakfast and time in The Word. Often, I will be up and doing things at home a good 2-3 hours before I have to go to work. I have never understood people who wake up and leave for work 30 minutes later. I need time for me to ease into my day. I like the feeling of peace and accomplishment that comes with checking things off my to-do list in the AM.

My new spoon from jessicaNdesigns

At the Influence conference, Jeff Goins talked about the Pimsleur approach- the idea that you can make anything a habit or learn anything by spending time doing it 30 minutes a day every day. I’ve written before about my struggles as a writer, mainly about how I procrastinate. I usually put off writing till everything else that is on my to-do list is done. But when is that really? There is always going to be laundry to do, things to tidy and social media to get lost in. I want to be more discerning and intentional about my time, especially when it comes to things that are important to me.

Currently, I’m sitting amongst 10+ Rubbermaid totes and boxes full of my belongings that have yet to be unpacked. I just moved into an apartment that needs painted in every room and I don’t see the point in unpacking everything just to repack it when I’m ready to paint. This is not normal for me. I usually like to move in, unpack and even hang pictures on the wall within the first few days. Instead, I’m learning a little bit about patience and living in the undone.

Recently, I shared some big news in my life. I’ve been struggling with a lot of anger and disappointment. Anger at myself. Anger at other people.  Anger at God.  Angry that my plans just haven’t worked out the way I want them. You’d think at some point in this crazy life I’d learn that everything doesn’t always end up neat and tidy with a bow on top…

I’ve been thinking about what my anger and confusion means in the context of the bigger picture. Aren’t we all allowed free will and handed grace?  I screw up EVERY SINGLE DAY. I make wrong decisions and sometimes hurt people. God doesn’t just abandon me because I’m not perfect. He finds me and brings me back. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I’ve heard it said, ‘To truly love is to see Christ in another’ (or something like that). I’m not 100% sure what the author of that statement meant. To me, it means that to truly love someone forgiveness and grace are at the forefront. To truly love someone means to see them the way Jesus does- as a child of God- holy. God’s very own possession.

‘But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession.’

During Jessi’s talk at Influence, she said we should read 1 Peter 2:9 every day. To remind ourselves that God’s love is for us. All the time. I think I need to remember it applies to other people too. That every single person in this world is just like me- desperate for hope but learning to rest in the promises of God’s love.

I don’t need to have all the answers and I don’t need everything figured out. I know that God will never leave me and he is always there to scoop me up when life disappoints. I’m learning to love and forgive and leave my pride far behind. This life is messy and crazy and sometimes can seem so confusing and scary. But it’s also wonderful and magical and full of deep, powerful love.

To me, mornings are a reminder that every day is a new opportunity to do right.

To love and forgive.

To cling tightly and dig in.

To gather courage and do all the things (hard and easy) with the ones you can’t live without.

Footnote: These are just my morning thoughts today. I don’t want to write about T and I every day. And I won’t be. In fact, I don’t plan on sharing much more here at the current time. I feel that our life together is personal and tender and just for us right now. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate all your thoughts and prayers. Because I do. I really do. I am so thankful for the way you’ve reached out and checked in and offered loving advice and hugs. Thank you for being supportive and loving. We are truly blessed to have such amazing people in our life- both on and off the internet. xo